Dark nights of winter
Sorry I haven’t posted for a while, I’ve been having more bad days than good of late.
I promised myself that I would be honest with you on this blog and tell you how it really is when you become an amputee. You have to put a brave face on for family and friends and along with the medication it can be very tiring.
You don’t really know much about my background, but I have been a fighter from the moment I was born. I was born breach and too late to turn so I came out arse first and blue. I had to be put in an oxygen tank for my first few hours of life.
Then when I was one, there was an accident and I got scolded with boiling water, badly burning my chest, the scars of which I still have today. I was also diagnosed with a squint and had to wear a patch during my infant years, which I thought was cool as I looked like a pirate, then came the NHS specs.
When I was a teenager I slipped off a canal wall and landed on my feet cracking both the balls of my ankles. My mum took me to the GP and he said I had sprained them and encouraged her to get me to walk on them! After a week of pushing myself around on my skate board I was taken to hospital and put in casts for six weeks.
When I was in my twenty’s I became very ill, vomiting. I couldn’t keep food down and was misdiagnosed for 3 years with a stomach bug. All it took was one blood test and I was diagnosed with Heli-Bacter pylori (a nasty bug that hides under your stomach acids). It took two lots of anti-biotics to clear it up, but by then I had ruined my stomach and bowels and got IBS and lactose intolerance. Over the years I’ve slowly built back up the things I could eat, but I still can’t have ice cream.
Then on my 30th year I broke up with my long term partner (12 years). Turns out he’d been seeing someone else for the last three years. So I kicked him out, and two years later I lost my leg. (Just call me lucky!)
But through all of that I have kept going. If I wanted to I could dwell on how crappy life has been to me, but I have had so many good memories and my dogs to keep me sane.
The only thing that’s been getting to me at the moment is that I’m stuck at my parents’ house (back after 7 years away is hell, as you can imagine) until my old house is done up to rent out, then I’m going to move into a bungalow. It keeps snowing so I’m trapped inside, and I’ve started to put on weight because I’m not cycling to work (eating junk food isn’t helping). Also, I’ve missed a year of socialising, I’ve kept in touch with friends on Facebook and I could get back into things if I wanted, but a part of me doesn’t want to and I find that I don’t like being around people too long. I know once I get my limb sorted and summer comes I will be out again, it’s just these dark months that get you down. In February I’m due my next leg which has hydraulics and a tilting ankle, so I will post pictures and tell you how that goes. X